In so many ways, female masturbation constantly gets the short end of the stick, as it were. Slang for a guy’s favorite one-on-one activity fills volumes, but how often do you hear good terms for what a woman does under the sheets? Fortunately, Hoot Island is here to save the day. Below are a variety of terms – some traditinal, some original, and some sent in by spirited readers. Enjoy yourself.

twiddling the twat
spot -cleaning the carpet
satisfying Suzie
muff maintenance
tickling your fancy
lady fingers and cream
attitude adjustment
flicking the bean
churning butter
reading lips
gully whompin’
pushing the panic button
digitizing
making soup
tip toeing through the two tips
the two-finger tango
romancing the rose
petting the pussy
frigging
exploring the deep south
stirring the taco
playing an accordion solo
deep dishin’
playing centipede
riding the rubber boyfriend
tickling the moustache
digging for clams
priming the pump
grinding the bump
rolling the mink
combing the brush poking the hairpiece
nothing else to do
stirring the cauldron “just reading, mom”
petal pushing
praising the orchid
rubbin the nubbin
pitching in the bush league
battery testing
the saddlehorn samba
dirty dancing for one
fingering the accused
petting the bunny
stroking the magic lamp
climbing mons veneris
hoodwinking
fingerpainting
flying manual (with hands)
flying automatic (with vibrator)
flicking the switch
the amazing disappearing finger trick
rosie palm’s big sister
primin’ the hymen
runnin’ your finger thru your hair
enjoying a little southern comfort
giving a noogie to your monkey
taking the sweet slide
oiling your holster
tossing the pink salad
sorting the oysters
powdering your nose
one-handed bridge
finger-walking to the “Y”
drilling for fish
waking the butterfly
tickling the tuna
finger dancing
having a sushi party
somebody’s got to do it
beating the bush
embracing the plastic age (vibrator)
riding the buzz bomb
muff ruffing
sinking the vibrating sub
dropping in the manhole
shooting the pink marble
riding the wild hand hitting the volume control
hiking the Grand Canyon
touch-toning
launching a class one probe playing with your gerbil
buttering the potato
clit-flitting
cunt-hunting
pussy-pushing
gash-lashing
pressing the escape button
riding the curl
flipping the breaker
making the oysters smile
stroking the snail
twiddling the toggle
firing up the digital special effects
entering no-man’s-land
tapping the keg
turning on the juicer
stroking the nether-beard
making bubbles
tugging at the vertical smile
mistressbating