What is Hoot Island?

It’s the clandestine Internet extension of a prominent advertising agency

It’s a small atoll in the southern Pacific just a little downwind from Bikini

It’s one embittered and hyperactive old woman in Nantucket

It’s a subtly designed experience designed to carefully and slowly alter the subconscious of its viewers, using humor and titties to attract attention while the interlaced message (“Sex is fun, woo hoo”) is subliminally injected directly into the hindbrain. Within a year, if predictions hold, institutions based on the “sex is evil” concept such as all televangelism, most porn, and the Republican Party should crumble into the biodegradable clay from which they sprang

It’s a front for a secret government agency, using previously agreed upon dirty stories as unbreakable code to advance their covert agenda

We don’t know, either

It’s a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Tokishiba Corporation

It’s a bunch of bitchin’ babes who’d rather have a good time than pose in unnatural and uncomfortable positions to fulfill some adolescent boy’s half-formed fantasies

It’s the one-handed typing of a guy considered too unstable for even the United States Postal Service

It’s a trap set by the American Family Pavilion to track Internet pornographers and their customers. Just by clicking on these pages gets your home address published in their weekly newsletter, Smutmongers Among Us

We can keep this up all day, you know

It’s a vacation resort in the Mediterranean, known for its beautiful beaches, crystal-clear waters and remarkably relaxed attitude towards controlled substance importation

It’s a way to pimp my writing

It’s a fever dream; take two Tylenol, inject 1,500 milligrams of Thorazine into your throbbing neck veins and relax

That’s no space station, it’s a small moon!

It’s a dumping ground for all the strange shit we had hanging around the office

It’s secretly the homepage for a well-known celebrity comedian who prefers to remain anonymous

We’re Beatrice

We don’t know what it is, but it feels neat

It’s an alien plot to degrade American’s morals and pollute our vital bodily fluids

It was the best thing before sliced bread

It started out as a final project for the Future Systems Analysts of America club from Mark Goddard Junior High in Topeka, Kansas, but things got out of hand

It’s a site dedicated to the bizarre notion that sex doesn’t have to include degradation, humiliation, or awkward positions (unlike you like that sort of thing)