Story: Happy Fucking Easter

The alarm began blaring, on schedule, at 6 friggin’ o’clock in the morning. The fact that I was the one who had set it in the first place still didn’t keep me from snarling and swiping it to the ground with my massive forearm before crawling back into my cave and…

…and sighing and rolling over and waking Kelly up, dammit. “Hey hon, time to get up.”

“Wha? I’m still s’eepin’, go ‘way. I’ma kill yu.” Kelly isn’t a morning person, either.

“We gotta get the Easter baskets out before the kids get up. C’mon, you were the one who didn’t want to stay up last night. Move, it, Easter bunny.”

She sat up groggily and held her head in her hands. “Yeah, yeah. Hippity hoppity.”

We pulled ourselves together just enough to pretend we were awake, got up and managed to locate all the Easter crap we had bought and hidden in various hidden caches around the house. I did catch her grabbing a quick nap in the hall closet, but one poke in a soft spot and she was moving again. We had gone to great lengths to stash everything as carefully as possible, so the odds were good that at least a third of it would be a complete surprise to the kids. Kelly, wrapped in a terry cloth robe, staggered downstairs with plastic baskets and plastic bags full of assorted plastic goop and headed off to turn them into pleasing arrangements of holiday joy, while I was assigned the task of sneaking out to the front yard and raiding the trunks of the cars for more hidden loot. I came out ahead of the game – I just suffered cold wet feet, but she had to actually start thinking.

Or perhaps not. I suspect that had I seen her creations at any other time besides the rosy dawn I would have shrieked like a cheerleader and tried to hit them with a stick. There on the kitchen table were three brightly colored baskets, stuffed unevenly with unnaturally bright green grass and filled with candy which had rather obviously been dumped straight out of a bag. She had missed a few times. However, since I hadn’t had to make them, I thought the baskets were the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life. We scattered some toys about, left some new church clothes nearby where they wouldn’t get trampled, and I made a half-hearted attempt to prop up the Easter cards my mom sent. Kelly grabbed the last bag of candy, plopped onto the couch and pronounced us done.

“Happy Easter, you wild bunny, you,” I said. I sat down next to her and carefully rammed a humorous pair of bunny-ears-on-a-hair-barrette on her head. She gave me a withering look. Oddly, the ears helped.

She pulled a fuzzy eartip down where she could peer at it. “How exactly did the manifestation of the central event of Christianity result, through the centuries, in me wearing these goddamn ears and setting out huge heaping buckets of chocolate?”

Meanwhile I had noticed that her present state of collapse was causing her robe to open, displaying gorgeous legs and just a hint of blonde curls. I was suddenly completely awake for the first time that morning. Maybe there was time to celebrate this joyous holiday after all…

Kelly continued to complain to the ceiling. “It’s not like Jesus went around handing out Skittles to the cripples. ‘Here, take thee and partake of the fish and the loaves and the bite-size Butterfingers.’ What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m hunting for Easter eggs.”

“I’m pretty… um,… pretty sure I didn’t hide any there. Oh.”

“Can’t be too sure, it looks like a nice soft place to hide stuff.”

“Ah, Jesus… just a little faster… hey! Stop that! The kids are gonna come downstairs any second!” She tried pulling her robe closed but I had a good lock on her thighs.

“We’d better hurry then, huh? C’mon babe, you’re no bunny ’til some bunny loves you. Hey, look, I found candy!” I pulled a cherry lollipop out of the leftover bag and began running it between her furry lips. Two great tastes… She didn’t object, not in so many words, so I decided to see if rapid rubbing against a g-spot could help me get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop. I made sure to keep it well-lubricated by pulling it out and sucking on it now and then. I even gave her my best blow-job impersonation; propping the stick against her clit and bobbing up and down on the “head”. With one hand she grabbed my head and guided me. I couldn’t see where the other hand was, but it was fun to think about.

“Yeah, baby, take it all,” she cried, quietly. She pumped her hips back and forth, sorta joking and sorta getting off on it. “Suck! Suck, oh god… Hey, my turn!” Kelly scooted backwards up the back of the couch and moved over so I could sit down. I handed her the sucker, but she just smiled and said she had better.

She worked my shorts off – she always pulls them off flat to my body, she says she likes watching my dick fwap against my stomach – and kneeled between my legs. She smacked her lips like Wile E. Coyote, letting her tongue sweep from one corner of her mouth to the other, and then she smiled up at me as she grabbed the base of my cock with one hand and brought out her other hand out to produce… a chocolate bunny. I think I just gave her a dumb look, and then she grinned, twisted the head off the poor little rodent and jammed it over the head of my dick. I couldn’t help laughing, it fit perfectly, and it gave my genitalia such a festive look. Then I saw how she was looking at it, and I panicked. I’ve seen how she eats chocolate bunnies. “Um, you’re not gonna bite the head off, are you…?”

Kelly just grinned again and stroked my shaft before she started nibbling on “my” ears. “Oh, yum. This is much better than the old way.” In her hand our new rabbit friend bowed and waggled at me. Kelly thoughtfully supplied the dialogue. “Here comes Peter Cottontail, fucking down the bunny trail!” She grabbed a firm hold on the base, rubbing me gently with her thumb, then abruptly bit off one of the ears.

I tried to jump back, but she had me pinned. “Agh! Damn, woman, take it easy!”

Saliva and melted chocolate was running down her face, across her breasts and all over my crotch. “No,” she said happily, and she bit off the other ear. I reached down to grab her head and rescue my rabbit but she quickly took my entire “head” into her mouth and moved her hand up and down to match her motions. I magnaminously decided to let her continue. The noises I was trying not to make were just to reassure her of her abilities, really. The feeling was incredible; as the chocolate crumbled and melted inside her mouth she moved faster and faster, letting the candy drip down and cover her hands.

After far too short a time she stood up and leaned over me. Most of the bunny was gone now, but there was a huge amount of melted chocolate smeared all over her upper body and a wild gleam in her eyes. I grabbed hold of her hips as she turned away from me and sat down hard on my candy-coated dick. I could hear both of us fighting valiantly to stay quiet as she sank to the hilt and her tight ass pressed hard against my lap. I think she had planned to guide the ride, but things were moving too fast and I had my own ideas anyway. I wrapped my fingers around her bountiful breasts, rubbing gooey chocolate over and around her nipples as I leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “Hippity hoppity.” Then I gripped her hips and started jackhammering, figuring if I wasn’t going to last any longer there was no reason she should.

She didn’t. (Neither did I). We both bounced wildly on the couch, trying desperately to drive me farther and farther into her, and we had just found the right cadence and I felt that incredible feeling of hot liquid fire rushing from my balls and I could tell that she was desperately fighting to wait for me…. when we heard the kids’ bedroom door open.

Many things happened simultaneously: Kelly stood up, my dick fwapped into my stomach again (leaving a phallic chocolate silhouette this time), I grabbed our clothes, Kelly threw some cushions over our new Nestle’s wet spot, and we both dashed for the downstairs bathroom even as the kids came bounding down the stairs. It was a tie, and we closed the bathroom door just as the first cries of greedy happiness began.

Kelly and I stood in the bathroom, shaking with laughter and need and adrenaline. She was leaning against the door with me right behind her so we could both listen, but we weren’t really paying much attention. Kelly was squeezing her thighs together over and over and I think my dick was humming, we were still so close. She looked up at me, eyes wide, then turned quickly and leaned towards the sink as I sank right into the heat of her climax. Her sweet gooiness gripped me with rhythmic pulses and my furious spurting followed right after, followed by a few minutes of breathless panting and giggling and a good twenty minutes of two grownups trying to silently wash themselves in a bathroom sink.

So what did you do for Easter?

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