“Ow! Stop! I’m not a submissive!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“Are you a dom?”

“I’m thinking about hitting you right now, but I don’t think it’s sexual.”

<!–more–>“Dammit. We’ve tried everything! Are you sure this isn’t doing anything for you?”

“Ow! I’m telling you I don’t have a fetish! Knock it off!”

“You have to! You don’t like girls, you don’t like guys-

“I like girls! You know I like girls. Is this because I never asked you out?”

“You never date anybody, you just hang around with them. You don’t like guys, you don’t like sheep … You don’t like sheep, do you?”

“No!”

“Then it’s gotta be a fetish.”

“Why is this important to you?”

“It’s fun. Now, we’ve tried leather, Saran Wrap, rubber, chocolate pudding, role-playing, panties, shoes, porn, diapers, and discipline. What’s left? Ooh, water sports!”

“Why couldn’t I just have a low sex drive?”

She crouched over my face to pee on me. “Because it’s not natural,” she said.