Nah, knowing him he’d wag his finger at me and tell me which city statute I just violated, little lady. He’s just too damn clean for that kind of thing. He’s never even been seen in public, you know, with anybody, male or female, so if he has a sex life it was a secret, which made sense ’cause he wouldn’t want them endangered, right? But damn. Even the years I was with somebody I was still lusting over him, and since I’m still “presently single” – and have remained “presently single” for two years – I was aching.

He reached St Mark’s and turned slowly to float back down the street and I got to see him from every angle, like he was putting on a display just for me. Big, savory, muscular body in tight spandex, impossibly handsome face with piercing blue eyes and a jaw you could break rocks with, and huge hands that I burned to feel on my body. If it wouldn’t have caused the tourists behind me to have heart attacks I’d have had my hand down my pants already. Turn for me, baby, let me see it all!

His cape fluttered in the wind as he sailed slowly past – oh, jeez, look at that basket! – and a flash of something above him caught my eye. There was something bright spiraling down fast from above and it was headed right for- “Captain Ultimate!” I screamed. “Above you!”

The instant I yelled he was spinning in the air like a gymnast, but he wasn’t in time to avoid the golden missile striking him in the gut and driving him down into the street. The sidewalk rocked and me and a lot of other people nearby got jolted off our feet, but while everyone else was cursing and looking around I was scrambling up to see what happened. There was a largish hole in the road and sounds of battle were coming from below. Oh jeez, oh jeez. What do I do? I could call 9-1-1 but I didn’t know if they handled this sort of thing. Maybe they could connect me with the Justice Team or something.

As I dug in my purse for my cell I heard one big whack! and the gold thing flew out of the hole and smacked into the apartments across the street, taking out some guttering and an entire cornice before falling to the ground in a glittery heap. It looked like a guy in a full-body gold suit, like the shape-changing Terminator in T2 but more economically stable. Then I remembered hearing about this guy, he was called Goldenrod or god or something stupid like that. Bad guy, I think he was the one that blasted the children’s hospital last year. It was hard to get a good look at him, he reflected sunlight like he was mirrored. Of all the times not to have a camera!

Captain Ultimate floated up out of the hole and it was like a freaking movie. He was perfectly clean and neat, like he had just stepped out his front door, and he landed lightly next to where the Golden guy was just getting up again. I gasped when Goldy crouched real quick and slammed a fist into Captain Ultimate’s face, knocking him back through two benches and a mailbox. Jesus, he must be strong as fuck! Goldy laughed and jumped up to ram his foot through Ultimate’s face but Ultimate wasn’t there anymore, he had moved faster than I could follow and he came up behind Goldy to get him in a full nelson.

“Give up, Goldengod,” he said. Yum! My panties plastered themselves to my skin when I heard his voice. So deep, so commanding! “You can’t win!”

“Oh, blow it out your ass, Ulti- whoa!” Goldy shrieked like a little girl as Captain Ultimate picked him up in one hand and slammed his face into the brick wall. While Goldengod was watching the birdies Ultimate grabbed the broken lamppost and quick as a snake twisted it around the glinty bastard like a bow. Goldy dropped to the street with a clank, and Captain Ultimate turned towards me.

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak, I just trembled as he floated over and dropped lightly down right in front of me. He looked me right in the eyes and he said, “Thank you, miss. Without your warning he might’ve gotten the better of me.”

Oh my sweet hula-hooping Christ. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a god come down to earth and thank you for something, but if you can manage it I recommend it highly. I couldn’t get the guy at the coffee shop to look my way and here was the most perfect man in the world tugging his forelock at me. I tried to say something worldly and I think I said something like, “Juwabbla frufy?”

He just smiled and took my hand. My heart was pounding and my brain was busy re-routing all the liquid in my body to my crotch. His hand was larger than both of mine and it felt like a concrete catcher’s mitt. I could feel the restrained power in his fingers as he shook my hand once, gently. “I’m in your debt,” he said, and then he smiled and started to turn away and I knew I’d never see him again and there weren’t any coherent thoughts running through my head and my brain shut down and I totally lost it.

“Please fuck me!” I cried, and the world stopped. I heard no traffic, no people, no emergency vehicles as police arrived to arrest Goldy, no nothing. All I could hear was my own heart pounding and my inner voice calling me thirty-three kinds of idiot. Any second now he’d fly off, thinking I was some slut, and I’d never-
He turned around. He actually turned around, and he looked at me. I mean like a man looks at a woman, head to toe and back up again. He lingered right at the places I hoped he would, and I wondered what his super-senses were telling him. Could he tell that my pussy was a marshland and my throat was bone-dry? Could he tell that my nipples were diamond-hard and aching? Okay, you didn’t need super-senses for that one, people across the street could see that, but still. He stepped back towards me and said, “Excuse me?”

Now I had a choice. I could come up with something innocent and non-sexual – “breeze shucked me” or something – to pretend to have said, and I knew he would accept it like a gentleman. Or I could step closer, feeling my breasts spread deliciously across his broad chest, and repeat, “Please fuck me.”

I went with the second one. Hey, I got to push up on him, and just the feel of his rock-hard pecs would fuel my masturbatory fantasies for years to come.

He looked around at the gathering crowds, looked back at me, and then made a split-second decision. Suddenly I was in steel cable arms and we were flying straight up over the rooftops. I wasn’t the slightest bit scared; I was far too busy being excited and aroused beyond belief. Oh god, oh god, tell me this is going to happen! We landed on top of an apartment building in the Village where there was a small garden and a pigeon coop on the roof. Was this where he lived? I resolved not to ask. I didn’t want to know anything about his secret identity, his other life, or any of that shit. I wanted him! As soon as we landed I grabbed his head in both hands and kissed the hell out of him.

Or at least I tried to. His lips wouldn’t bend when I touched them, and when I tried to force my tongue between his teeth it felt like I was trying to French kiss a counter-top. His skin was hot, way hotter than human skin is, and it made me feel even hotter as I dragged my body across his. Even that was more uncomfortable than I expected; his body didn’t give. I mean, at all. He was aroused, I could tell that much (god, could I tell) but even pushing as hard as I could with two fingers I couldn’t make a dent in his skin. He just looked down at me sadly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That’s the price I pay for not feeling pain or hunger or shock. I can’t feel anything else, either. I was hoping this might have been different, finally.” He smiled a pitiful smile, and even though he was this big-deal superhero I could tell it was the same sort of “this isn’t going to work out” smile I had already seen way too many times in my life. Next would be the crime-fighting equivalent of “it’s not you, it’s me,” and I didn’t need that right now. Besides, I was still dripping and something had to be done about that. Before he could turn or fly away or anything I grabbed the waistband of his trunks and yanked them down in one swift motion.

Surprised the hell out of him, I’ll tell you that. When his shorts hit the ground it put my head at his crotch level and suddenly I wasn’t alone. There in front of me, bouncing gently and mesmerizing me like a venomous snake, was the biggest goddamn dick I had ever seen, with some apple-sized balls swinging under it. I couldn’t help it, I grabbed it in both hands just to feel the heft of that monster and was reminded again of who I was dealing with. It felt like an iron bar. There were thick veins running the length of it, all the way up to a head like a baby’s fist, but try as I might with both hands I couldn’t budge the skin on it. I’ve stroked teak that was more flexible.

Well, fuck it, it wasn’t like I had never stuck inanimate things inside me before, and this one had a man attached. While Captain Ultimate stood there, looking heroically silly with his uniform around his ankles and a startled look on his face, I yanked my dress over my head, stripped off my bra and panties, and dropped to the floor with my legs wide. “C’mon, hero,” I purred, holding myself open for him. “Do your duty.” His mind (or whatever) finally caught up to the situation and he sank to his knees between my legs with the most grateful look I have ever seen on a guy, and I’ve dated comic book fans. I grabbed his cosmic cock with both hands and pulled it up against me. That candy-apple head pushed up against my pussy and I just gushed all over it. It took almost five minutes to work it inside me, and by then I was sweating and screaming from little tremor orgasms. Captain Ultimate hadn’t broken a sweat, of course, but he did look extremely happy. Maybe even if it wasn’t doing anything for him, the sight of me clutching my tits and writhing on his cock would fuel _his_ masturbatory fantasies for awhile, and that was fine with me. He leaned forward and put his hands on either side of my head, looked right in my eyes for a timeless moment, and began to move his hips. I forced myself to relax as much as possible, and then he…

…cried out as a blast struck him from behind and he fell over, slipping out of me with an audible pop. There behind him was Goldengod, mad as hell and fired up. His hands and eyes were glowing with power and I could smell the ozone in the air. “You left me for the cops so you could go tear off a piece? You son of a bitch!” He started laughing and walking around us. “Works for me. Never thought I’d catch you with your pants down, old man, and now it’s time for a little payback. I’ve always wondered what would happen if I fired off a megaburst right into both your ears at once!”

“Oh, thank god,” I breathed, thinking like mad. “I’ll bet you’ve got a real cock in there somewhere!” Goldy turned away from his fun to look at me. I was still lying spread-eagled and gaping, so I arched my back a little to give him a real show. Goldengod straightened up and took a half step towards me. I squeezed a tit and licked the nipple hard before looking up at him. “I can’t fuck him, he’s all invulnerable and shit. Can’t scratch him, can’t bite him, can’t stick my finger up his ass if I ever want it back, can’t do nothing.”
Just to add a little show biz I ran both my hands down my body and stuck them between my legs. “I need to fuck somebody real bad,” I said.  “Are you real bad?” And I gave him my best sex kitten smile.

I couldn’t see his expression through his featureless face, but I did notice a sudden buttery-gold bulge sprouting between his legs. He leaned over and stroked my puss from bottom to top with one long, thick, metallic finger, sinking deep into me as he went, and I gasped from the electric feel of it.  “No,” I managed to say, “I don’t need a hero, I need a man!”

He stood back up and looked at me for a long moment. I was just starting to wonder if I was about to die naked on a roof in the Village when he reached up to his waist and touched something there. With a loud fzzzz noise the gold coating around his body was absorbed into a little egg-shaped belt-buckle and there before me was Goldengod unmasked. He wasn’t bad. Not cute but attractive, in a rugged kinda way, with a cruel look to his eyes. He was busy shucking his pants so I stood up to help him. We kissed deeply and well, chasing each other’s tongues around and around while my fingers solved the mysteries of his trousers and they fell away, revealing a respectable dick indeed. I stepped back to look at it and he stroked it alive for my viewing pleasure.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, with a little smirk on his face. He was still flushed with the thrill of knocking out Captain Ultimate and here was what had to be the big bad guy fantasy.

“Oh, yes,” I said, and I kicked him square in the balls. He kind of hopped when I did that, and screamed, and fell on the roof grabbing at his privates. I took the opportunity to kick him in the head a few times and then hit him with a potted plant until he was out cold.

Great, now I was naked on a roof in the Village with two pantsless mega-humans, each one more than capable of leveling a city block. My horoscope hadn’t mentioned this possibility at all. I looked back at my dream date. Captain Ultimate was lying on his back, arms spread, mighty cock still pointing straight up. God, what a waste of meat! I’d have to be a superhero myself to do anything with…

Goldy’s belt was a basic leather thing, probably from Target, but the buckle was a custom job with an inset-jeweled egg. I put the belt on, said a Hail Mary, and touched the egg.

Instantly I felt a hot buzzing sensation, like I had just stepped into a vat of boiling honey. Something rushed out from my waist and covered my arms, my hands, my feet, my head. I had just enough time to start to scream before it covered my face, and then everything changed.

I had Power.

Suddenly everything around me was crystal clear, like I could see for miles. I felt strong, impossibly strong, and gravity suddenly seemed to be largely optional. I clenched a fist and, as an experiment, punched through the side of the stairwell wall. Didn’t feel a thing. I looked at my hand and admired the way the sunlight played over its shiny metal surface. This was too fucking cool, I was a supervillain! No wonder they acted up all the time, the urge to go kick the shit out of a public building was incredible. I wanted to fly, I wanted to throw cars around, I wanted to…

I knew what I wanted to do.

I wanted to fuck a god.

I knelt between Captain Ultimate’s legs and hesitantly grabbed his horsecock in one hand. At first it felt the same, like grabbing a lamppost, but with a little exertion I was able to grasp it and move the thick skin up and down. I did that for a moment, admiring the way the skin slid gracefully over the massive head only to let it reappear right away, and then I took his cock in my mouth. Have you ever laid your hand on the hood of a running car and felt the power inside? That’s how his dick felt in my mouth. I fought to stretch my jaws wide enough to accommodate him but I could feel the ridges with my tongue, I could squeeze his head between my lips. I used both hands to feed him to me but once I got going I stuck one hand down between my own legs. The golden coating parted immediately for me and my fingers found the old familiar places right away, although they seemed much wetter than usual.

Captain Ultimate woke up. He blinked a couple of times, and shook his head, and then opened his eyes wide. I didn’t stop what I was doing but I did look up at him. He got all panicky and flustered and tried to push my head away. “Uh, Goldenrod, uh. Um, look, I’m not really _that way_, you know, not that there’s anything wrong with-”

I disengaged long enough to say, “It’s me,” and then I dove back in.

“You? Miss? But…” He looked wildly over to where Goldengod, now a butt-naked middle-aged guy, was snoring peacefully. “How did you…?”

I let him pop out of my mouth again but I squeezed him hard with one hand. He jumped. “Do you want exposition,” I said, “or do you wanna fuck?”

A slow grin spread across his face. “Oh, thank you,” he said, and he pulled me up to him in a cosmic embrace. This time his lips felt soft and pliable but he still burned hotter than human. He kissed and bit along my neck until I was dizzy with want and he seized my breasts in both hands. They were metallic and durable now, but in his huge hands they bulged and thrilled to his touch. “I’ve never been able to do this before,” he said, with wonder in his voice. He bent and took a gold nugget of a nipple in his mouth and sucked hard with enough power to stop a tornado. It felt heavenly.

Enough of this shit, I had been ready for an hour now. I sprang to my feet, spun around, and leaned against the railing at the edge of the roof. It had taken long enough, now I was more than ready to get pumped good and hard.

And again he surprised me. Captain Ultimate came up behind me, grabbed my hips, and rammed himself home, filling me to the core. As soon as he struck bottom we both cried out, and then he wrapped a mighty arm around my waist, bit my neck, and took off.

I had no time to panic. Suddenly we were a mile above the city, and the sensations of being so completely filled, being stretched were so incredible I didn’t care. I hooked my feet around his ankles and we were off.
We soared back down to swoop through the buildings, zooming around and between them like fighter pilots. We rocketed down the length of 5th Ave, the sounds of people cheering dopplering past us, and then he fucked me down into the subway tunnels. Lights flashing and trains hurtling by did nothing to slow us down. I kissed him hard over my shoulder as he corkscrewed himself even deeper into me and we overtook the B train like it was standing still. He damn near split me in two and I was doing my best to pinch his dick right off his body, and I think we both succeeded. By the time we emerged from the 33rd St station I was being held up by his hands on my tits and his cock deep in my pussy, and that’s how we remained as we left the atmosphere. I had both hands on his ass, pulling him deeper into me, and we erupted together in low orbit where the freezing cold of outer space bit at my stiff nipples and stole our screams away.

One nice thing about cosmic-powered protective full-body armored biocoating; it absorbs fluids nicely.

 

A week later he tapped on my window. I let him in before anyone could see him hovering 70 feet over the sidewalk and we both just kinda stood there, a little embarrassed. Finally I broke and asked, “Seen the papers, huh?”

He looked over at the stack of newspapers and magazines on my coffee table. The sixty-point headlines all said things like, “Captain Ultimate: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?” and “Ultimate Rough on Crime” and “Ultimate Outed.” On top of the stack was the Post and its full-size front page pic of heroic squeaky-clean good-guy Captain Ultimate apparently buggering the evil villain Goldengod across Manhattan. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ve seen ‘em. Leno was worse.”

“Cause you any problems?”

He sat down heavily on my couch. My cat Lady Godiva immediately jumped up on his lap; he stuck a finger out so she could scratch herself on it. “Well, the Justice Team isn’t contacting me right now, I think they’re consulting counsel to see how best to handle it.  The Scarlet Vacuum has been calling me night and day, however.”

“Can’t you just tell them it was me?”

“Not without endangering you, and Goldengod won’t say anything. He’s too embarrassed, the guys in his cellblock won’t stop calling him the Ultimate Bitch.” He chuckled. “On the other hand, no one messes with him.”
I sat down next to him. “But what about you?”

“Actually it’s helped my crime-fighting. Soon as I show up, all the bad guys surrender right away and scream for police and protective custody. It’s been a tremendous time-saver.” He set the cat aside (something only an invulnerable person can do with impunity) and stood up. “You know, I’m going to have to ask for Goldengod’s Mega-Belt back.”

I stood up too, and put my fists on my hips. “You’ll have to come get it,” I said, and I powered up just enough so I could give the front of his trunks a healthy stroke.  “I’m keeping it. It has certain, advantages, that I like.”

He shuddered as his cock shazammed to life. “You’re going to become a superhero? Fight crime and protect the earth?”

“No,” I said, putting my arms around his neck, “but I’ll be here waiting when you get done. You think we can make love without leveling the building, hero?”

His mighty arms wrapped tight around me. “No promises.”