Last week I got a sneak peek at some photos Heather Corinna was working up, including one depicting her in a full-throated yowl (they’re in her new gallery “Daiquiri”, at http://www.femmerotic.com/corinna.html, membership required to see ‘em all). I made some wiseass comment about wanting to see her nude performing opera and she turned around and showed me another pic that fit the bill. Even as I was appreciating a woman who doesn’t mind looking silly while she’s looking sexy (and Heather certainly raises the bar there), I couldn’t help thinking about it as a new porn site niche. Screaming naked women. Not screaming in orgasmic eruptions, you can barely click your mouse without hitting one of those. No, I mean screaming women, beautiful semi-clad women who look as if they’re entered in a hollering contest. I want it! So what if it’s a teeny tiny niche site, that’s still a sizeable audience on the Internet, where you just can’t shovel the porn out the door fast enough. There are sites featuring naked women rolling in zesty banana pudding, sites that feature women having intimate encounters with fruit products, and even sites that allow you to spank celebrities with a wet fish. Why not screaming? You could even have a subset of that, naked women who yodel.

As my ideas often do, this one kept going until it ran out into the street and caused an accident. What other minor fetishes are there out there that are under-represented on the Web? Just the thought of all those lonely people, their harmless fantasies unrealized, their hard-earned money going for useless purchases such as food and shelter when it could be going to m… to someone with the vision to give them what they so desperately need. Just imagine the possibilities!

Yu-Gi-Ah.com (formerly pokememon.com, formerly magic-the-slathering.com) – Women who love collectible card game collectors! There must be some out there somewhere, I guess, and here’s where you can find them! Teen model Darla dressed up as a Mystical Elf is hot, hot, hot, but nothing compared to the five women wearing the Mammoth Graveyard costume. Rawr!

Extreme Water Sports – Takes the formerly edgy and now passe fetish of water sports and pushes it into a whole new arena! Anyone can pee on their partner in the bedroom, bathroom or boardroom. Can you do it when you’re both in free fall at 6,000 feet? While doing a double tailwhip 360 on your BMX while jumping over a nude woman? Can you whip it out and drench your partner while snowboarding down the Alps? Let’s see you cover your lover in steaming hot piss while rocketing down the doubles luge run at 120 m.p.h.? Well, frankly, I suspect that if I was rocketing down the luge course I’d have real troubles not covering my partner with urine, along with anyone else wihin blast radius, but that’s not to say that some of you wouldn’t really get into the sort of thing that would just scare the piss out of anybody else.

Sex With heavy Machinery – What man can give you the thrill that’s only available from a hydraulic excavator, or the sheer unadulterated pleasure only possible with a knuckleboom loader? Join the BackHos, an elite group of women who go for the really, really big vibrators.

HotWetMitosis.com – Get down with some microscopic porn! Watch teen nympho cells divide like there’s no tomorrow! Go for the EXTREME closeup for a nonstop orgy of (comparatively) gargantuan proportions! Just in: new anaphase videos that show two unstoppable sister chromatids separating in a frenzy of slippery spindle fibres. Unbelievable!

MercyHump.com – Pathetic? Loser? Never see a woman that isn’t foldable? Never fear! Now there’s MercyHump.com, the online service that allows you to sign up for a small fee, in the hopes that a woman will randomly choose you and throw you one out of sweet charity. Sign up today! MercyHump.com makes no guarantees that any woman will choose you, that she’ll go through with it once she meets you, that there won’t be additional fees involved, or even that a woman will or has ever visited our site at all.

IrritableBowelBabes.com – Best left imagined, but you know it’s gotta have a live cam. Coming soon:DysenteryGirls.com!

RipeHotVirgins.com – Thousands of images of pure and untouched virgins. All clothed, of course. No sexual content whatsoever, in fact. It would kinda be pointless, wouldn’t it?

RoyalFamilySexFarm.com – See members of Europe’s ruling class in wild and unbelievable romps with barnyard animals! Okay, it hasn’t actually happened yet, but it’s only a matter of time, right? Better get the domain name now, before a squatter snaps it up.

The Guys of Playboy – Hot new website that features pics of all those guys that show up in the group shots during Playboy’s “Girls of a Buncha Colleges” pictorials. A special section is devoted to those guys for whom that one picture (where they were holding the college banner and making the thumb-and-pinky sign less than 25 feet away from where the girl was lifting her shirt) represented the highest point of their entire lives.

RonJeremy.com – Possibly the smallest niche site of them all, for people interested in seeing Ron Jeremy naked. What? Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me…