Keep prepared statements handy – Coming up with good lines can be tough when you’re fighting to reach the keyboard and the towel at the same time. I like to keep an open text file so I can cut n paste good suggestions as needed. Be sure to pause a bit before posting each response, don’t want to give it away. Be sure to always use different lines on different partners, insofar as you can tell. Warning! Do not open more than one document at a time! This can only lead to confusion.
HOTLUVR> Oh baby i can feel your hands running up my legs
WYYRD> I bring my hands up, barely touching the inner sides of your thighs with my warm fingertips and lightly, lightly, brushing the wispy hair with my thumbs to spread your mysteries as I delve to the treasures within
HOTLUVR> ohmigod i open myself fully 4 you
WYYRD> I smile and catch your eyes, maintaining eye contact as I slowly lower my lips to your hot sweetness. I feast.
HOTLUVR> o jezus thats good i love it
WYYRD> Dear Mom, How’s it going? Things are about the same here. That ointment you sent really helped, thanks! How long did it take Dad to clear up when he had this?
HOTLUVR> What???
WYYRD> what? o shit hang on I um I lick something
HOTLUVR> what the hell
WYYRD> BEST FREE TEEN SEX ON THE INTERNET!!! NEW - Tons of Naked Celebrity Pictures!
HOTLUVR has left the chat
WYYRD> shit
Maintain the pace – just as in real life, once things have started, never stop and say “brb”.
Be considerate of others – often cybersex happens when you meet someone in a public chatroom and the two of you take it “private”. Don’t leave your buddies out, surface regularly to provide play-by-plays of what’s going on.
WYYRD (whispers to BLKHART)> oh my love oh my god i can feel it building up inside!!!
WYYRD (to ALL)> yeah, she’s about there. Hey, anyone here from the east coast?
Go for quality over quantity – look, odds are good you’re never gonna last more than 10 minutes in real life even with baseball scores and naked Roseanne fantasies. Why should your chat go that fast? Set aside a good couple of hours, take the time to pick out someone appreciative, and go at it. This is just imagination and typing, people! You don’t need recovery time, you don’t need lube, you don’t even need to bathe first. If you’re a guy, give her all the attention she’d never get from you in the same room. If you’re a girl, you can take all the inches he says he has and love it!
Learn from others – you can get a quick lesson in how to seduce someone by letting someone seduce you just beforehand. Or even just slightly before, if you can type fast enough. Get two private conversations going and as your seducer sends you passionate convincers, grab ‘em and send them along to your seducee. If you could write a java app to do that automatically, you could get a reputation as a demon lover while you were getting a Mountain Dew at the time.
In times of indecision, go tantric – if you’re completely stuck for a good line, or if you really really need to go pee or rescue your hash from the dog or stand up and adjust or whatever, go tantric. Takes very little setup.
WYYRD> I pull you up into my lap as I sit zazen
SLUTBNNY> oooh, im a cowgirl! i wrap my arms around your neck and start moving
WYYRD> I hold myself immobile as you sit impaled
SLUTBNNY> yeh i’ll just wriggle
WYYRD> I prepare for the total mental and physical immersion of my self which leads to true awareness and a half-hour orgasm
SLUTBNNY> say what? oh yeh, im up for that!
WYYRD> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (copy this line, at this point you can stretch, scratch yourself, and attend to business)
SLUTBNNY> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
WYYRD> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (use Ctrl-V on a PC or that little flower thing-V on a Mac to paste this in again, go check the microwave to see if the popcorn’s ready yet)
SLUTBNNY> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMo shit im feeling something
WYYRD> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (check local listings)
SLUTBNNY> MMMMMMMUMMMMMMMUUMMMMMMM its never felt this good MMMMMMMM
WYYRD> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (go find the remote)
SLUTBUNNY> OMMMMMMMYES! YEAAAAAAAAAAAGOD OH!
WYYRD> OMMMMMMMMMMMMMM HMMM? I smile. Ready to begin now, my love? (watch Battlebots)
