Erica had walked in on a lot of strange things in her day, some of them involving farm animals, but this was new. Her roommate Janie was slouched on the couch watching porn, which was fine, but she had a notebook on her lap, which was just weird.

The door to the apartment shut behind her with a loud click, causing a startled Janie to squeak and leap up with a wild-eyed and very guilty expression. She stabbed the remote at the television but only succeeded in turning up the volume. The sounds of ridiculously exaggerated penis-sucking filled the room. For a brief second Erica understood what it would be like to stick your head inside a pool vacuum that was moaning.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, dumping the grocery bags on the tiny kitchen counter.

Janie fumbled at the remote and the picture on the TV froze on a close up of a platinum-blonde woman swallowing about a foot of cock. Janie, personally, was a bright, bright red. “It’s not what it looks like,” she said.

“I hope it was, actually, because anything else is going to sound bizarre. So you were, what? Getting pointers?”

There was a long silence.

“Oh, crap,” Erica said, and she ran over to hug her roomie. “Honey, what’s wrong? Did Andrew say something?”

Janie squeezed back once and then dropped onto the couch. “No, he didn’t. He didn’t have to.”

Erica sat next to her in full Best Bud mode. “Okay, give.”

“I’ve been going through his porn stash.”

“Fair enough. You know they’ve all got implants, right?”

“I was curious if he had, you know, preferences, that he wasn’t telling me about,” Janie continued. She sighed. “And he does.”

“Bimbos with 20 inch waists?”

“Blow jobs.”

“Oh. Those.”

“Every magazine has a girl with a cheerful, crammed mouth on the cover and all of his videos and DVDs are heavy on the cocksucking. I think it’s a pretty definite preference.”

“Maybe he just likes dick.”

“Erica!”

“C’mon, all this stuff is big on the suckage. It’s a guy thing, you know, like big explosions and monster trucks.”

Janie leaned forward and grabbed a few of the videos stacked on the coffee table. “Nope. I can’t be sure with the DVDs, but every video is stopped right after a big blow job scene. Obviously those are the ones he saves for, you know, last.”

“He doesn’t rewind? What a…”

“This is serious,” Janie said. Her eyes started to tear up. “I’m gonna lose him, he’s gonna dump me for some skank who can take her teeth out!”

Erica put her arm over her bud’s shoulders and hugged her. “No, he’s not. He’s not that shallow, and even blind people can tell he loves you. Besides, I’d kick his ass if he hurts you and he knows it.”

Janie sniffled. “What’d you do, tell him that?”

“Yep. The night we met him, while you were in the bathroom.”

“You didn’t!”

“Told him I had an electric juicer at home that would accommodate his testicles perfectly,” Erica said smugly. “But really, he’s a great guy, don’t worry about it. He appreciates it when you do it, right?”

There was another long silence.

Erica poked the top of Janie’s head with her nose. “Hey, down there. What happens when you blow him? Does he cheer and flick his lighter?”

The silence stretched on. Janie began to burrow into her shoulder.

Erica pulled her arm back and pushed her friend away to look in her face. “Is this your cowardly way of telling me you don’t blow him?”

Janie shrugged nervously. “I’ve, you know, used my mouth before. On him, I mean. On his–”
“I’ve got the idea. But did you do it like that?”

“What do you mean?”

In response Erica moved her head down towards Janie’s lap, stopping every few inches to look up at Janie with an exaggerated expression of fearful compliance. When she got to Janie’s imaginary penis she grimaced, closed her eyes and opened her mouth like she was about to swallow a spoonful of battery acid.

Janie swatted her on the head. “No! I’m not that bad, I just… I don’t get into it, you know? It’s so–”

“I understand. Believe me, girl, I understand. But he goes down on you, right?”

Janie’s eyes shut tight over her sudden smile. “Oh, yes,” she murmured.

“Does he hesitate like that?”

“God, no, he dives down there like I’ve got pearls in it. But he knows what he’s doing, and I just… I feel like an idiot, all right? I don’t know what to do and it takes forever and my jaw hurts and my neck hurts and my knees hurt and I have to give up and do something else.”

“Do you think you’d want to do it if you knew how? Because if you really don’t like it you shouldn’t force yourself, no matter what his rental habits are.”

Janie sighed. “I think so. The look on his face is so… And sometimes, when it’s working,” she said, as the blush came back, “it kinda turns me on. Like I completely control him, you know?”

“Well, you do. Or you should. And that’s why…?” Erica gestured at the notes and piles of tapes. Janie nodded. “So, what have you got so far?”

“Nothing. Most of the scenes are exactly the same, and they go on forever. I can’t do that. Hey,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “You can teach me! You’re good at it, right?”

“Well, I–”

“That’s all I ever heard about in college! Everyone said you were the best!”

“You bitch!” Erica grabbed Janie, both of them giggling madly, and they wrestled across the couch.

“I’ve walked in on a lot of things,” came a new voice, “but this is a new and very welcome one. When’s the baby oil part?”

Both women looked up to see Erica’s boyfriend Larry peering over the back of the couch.
“This a grudge match sort of thing, or can anybody play?” He looked up at the TV. “Whoa! Hey, is that Peter North?”

Erica disentangled herself, with some difficulty, and jumped on the couch to hug him. “You are just in time,” she said happily.

“For what?” asked Larry.

“For what?” asked Janie.

“For me to teach my bestest friend everything I know about sucking dick. I seem to recall you have one.”

Larry looked stunned. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Janie popped up next to her and put an arm around her waist. “You will? That’s so cool!”
She turned and looked at Larry, then back to Erica. “Um. You mean, like demonstrating?”

A broad smile began to stretch across Larry’s face at about the same speed as the unholy gleam dawning in his eyes.

“Only sort of,” Erica said. She patted him on the cheek. “Down, boy. No pizza boy fantasies today. Your pants stay zipped. I just need you to pretend to be a guy for a little while.”

“Cool, I’ve been doing that all my life.”

Erica took a deep breath and smiled brightly at both of them. “First thing, we lock the front door. No more surprise guests while we do this. Second, what gets said here stays here. I don’t want all my secrets getting out. And third? We’re going to need some wine. I’ve never done this for a grade before.”

After glasses had been poured and consumed, and poured again, Erica sat her boyfriend on the couch and knelt in front of him, motioning for the other woman to join her. “Now, is this the sort of thing you usually do? Down here like this?”

“Yeah. Or else I’m kneeling and he’s standing, or we’re in bed and I kneel down there and…”

“Got it. Well, forget it, this hurts. If you must kneel, use a pillow or something. But remember, you’re doing the work, you call the shots. You want a position you can maintain without aching for three days afterwards.” She squirmed around until she was sitting tailor-fashion on the floor. “Not as glamorous but easier on the back, especially if you lean on his legs. At least it is for me, you do whatever’s comfortable. If he wants to stand, sit on the couch or the side of the bed. You can also sit in a comfy chair and let him come to you.”

“When do we get to the sucking part?”

“Shut up, lover. Now, the main thing you have to learn is attitude. You’ve got to make him think that getting that nasty thing–”

“Hey!”

“–down your throat is more important to you than saving a child’s life. But you also don’t want him to get too cocky, so to speak.”

Janie crawled up alongside her and rested her arm on Larry’s knee. Larry swallowed once, nervously. “How do you do that?” she asked.

“Eye contact.” Erica suddenly stared at her intently, with hunger in her eyes. Janie gasped before she could stop herself. Erica began moving her face closer, moving it back and forth like a snake but without ever losing eye contact. Janie felt herself blushing again. Inches away, Erica ducked her head and then came up slowly at a slight angle, her eyes beseeching and powerful, her hair falling away from her face, her mouth moving gracefully closer and closer…

She touched noses and said, “Beep! Like that. The idea isn’t that you want it so bad you can’t help yourself, but that you want it so bad he can’t stop you. There’s a difference.”
Janie concentrated on getting her breathing back to normal, and on ignoring how aroused she suddenly was. She was also abruptly aware that Larry’s pants leg seemed to be inflating.

“The right attitude can get you halfway home before you even get him unzipped. You’ve got two goals, here. One is to blow him. The other is to blow his mind. Eye contact, before, during, and after, will keep him excited and will end up in less head-bobbing time for you. How do you get started?”

“What?” Janie said, startled at the sudden attention. “I, uh, grab him, and I stick it, you know, in–”

Erica laid a hand on her arm. “No, honey. Too much too soon. He oughtta be halfway ready to fire before his little willy ever sees daylight. Or dashboard light, as the case may be.” She began stroking Larry’s legs with long, firm strokes, getting closer and closer to the bulge down his left leg without touching it. “If you’re not down here yet, rub him all over and work his earlobes. Guys don’t expect that as much and it drives ‘em wild. Especially my man, here.”

Larry nodded, smiling weakly. The slightest hint of sweat was visible on his forehead.

“Total earlobe freak. But anyway, stroke hard and push yourself on him. You ever watch a cat try to get petted? Watch.” And with that she crawled up next to Larry and spread herself over him, pushing her breasts across his chest and capturing his hip between her legs. She ran one hand into his shirt while she gobbled his ear. Almost immediately Larry started moaning softly and reaching for her.

She pulled back to look at Janie, back in full Teacher mode. “And when he’s almost forgotten what he wanted you to do, you grab him,” she said, pulling her hand out of his shirt and stroking down fast to grab his crotch. Larry’s body convulsed. Janie yanked her head out of range. Erica squeezed and caressed the bulge in his pants for a minute longer, and then stopped cold and sat back down on the floor. Larry looked stricken.

“This is gonna kill me, you know that, right?”

“Poor baby.”

“Look, I gotta… I need to… Janie, could you…?”

For a brief second Janie panicked until she heard Erica chuckle. “I think he needs a prop adjustment, babe. Would you mind…?” Janie looked away quickly. Unfortunately this meant she was staring straight at a freeze-frame of a massive penis while behind her she could hear rustling and the sound of Larry’s grateful sigh. She turned back to see him sitting in the same place but with a rearranged bulge that was now pushing up the front of his jeans. Larry was blushing slightly, which helped.

Erica ran a hand over the newly relocated bulge. “Anyway. You can use your fingernails, too, while Mr. Happy is still tucked away. You won’t hurt him but you’ll freak him out. You can also do a lot before anything unzips. Ever blow through a guy’s pants? Watch.” She leaned over, smiling evilly at Larry the whole time, and put her lips just below his belt buckle. She opened her mouth slightly and made a long “huh” sound. Larry groaned and closed his eyes. Erica smiled at Janie and began biting, slowly and carefully, up and down the length of his bulge.

“What…” Janie said in a strangled voice. She cleared her throat and tried again. “What does that do?”

Erica stopped and laid her cheek on his pants, moving it slowly back and forth. “Same as everything else I’m showing you. Drives him nuts. Lets him know I’m about to engage in an act of worship, and that he’s got nothing to say about it.”

“No problem here,” Larry croaked.

“You can keep this up as long as he can tolerate it, but eventually he’ll get too sensitive. That’s when you take him out.” She mimed doing so, and held an imaginary dick up for Janie to see. “He damn well oughta be hard, but don’t go for it right away.”

“Tease him first?”

“Good girl. Also get it wet.” She pretended to place long, wet licks up and down his shaft, twirling her tongue in little circles underneath where the head of his cock should have been. “You want him…” Lick. “…as wet and hard as you can get him…” Lick. “…until he’d kill his own mother to get you to do this…” And then she opened her mouth and pretended to take half of his penis in her mouth.

Larry cried out. Janie kept her eyes on what her friend was doing, but she couldn’t help noticing the spot of wetness that had appeared at the end of Larry’s bulge.

“Sorry, sorry,” he gasped. “Just getting into it, you know. Method… oh, god… method acting.”

Erica patted him on the knee. “Uh huh. Personally I prefer this position to him standing, you know why? Because this way you can control how much goes in your mouth. He gets frisky, you put some weight on his legs and hold him down, like this. A damn important thing, you ask me.”

“What if he’s standing or something?”

“Then you do this,” Erica said, and she wrapped her hand around the base of Larry’s phantom phallus. “He’ll love the extra pressure there, and now you’ve got two or three inches less to deal with. Keep your hands moving at all times. Keeps him off balance and keeps him excited. Here’s something else you can do. How you holding up, hon?”

Larry had his head back with a hand over his eyes. “M’fine,” he mumbled. “But we need to talk about your methods.” His bulge was visibly pulsing now, tenting his pants and straining his seams.

“Don’t worry about getting it all in your mouth. No matter what he says, you want your lips and tongue right around his head, where it’s the most sensitive. What you do so he doesn’t care is, you get your other hand in there.” She put her right fist on top of her left. “Now you stroke him with that one, and push it up and down with your mouth, like this.” She bobbed up and down a few times with her fist moving along with her lips. “Extra pressure where he wants it and you never go more than a few inches down. I’ve had guys thought I could deep throat when I was really giving them a hand job. If you can take it all, more power to you, but no one’s ever complained about this to me.”

“Doesn’t it wear out your jaw, though?”

“Nope, because you keep him off-guard. When your jaw gets tired, pull him out and start jacking him fast, like this.”

She pounded her fist quickly against Larry’s lap, causing more gasps and groans. Since he had his eyes closed Janie felt brave enough to watch his face. It was pretty obvious who was in control in this room, and Larry wasn’t even in the top two.

“Work his balls with the other hand while you stare him straight in the eye,” Erica said. “Lick your lips a few times, or rub the head against your cheek and chin. It’ll look to him like you’re totally going crazy on it when what you’re really doing is grabbing a breather and letting your jaw pop back in place.”

Larry struggled to sit up. “Wait, you mean that you were–”

“No, babe. I was all over you, I couldn’t help myself,” Erica said sincerely. She held it for ten seconds before she and Janie burst into laughter.

“Fine, abuse me, go ahead…”

“Way ahead of you. Anyway, keep changing what you do. Steady, rhythmic pumps is what’s gonna bring him off, but keep changing what you do so you don’t get sore. Stroke him, lick his balls, rub him on your tits, and then when your jaw isn’t aching any more, go back and gulp him again.” She suited imaginary action to her words, moving back and forth over Larry’s increasingly tense body.

“Um, perhaps you — ah! — should tone down the – ooh! — demonstration…” he stammered.

“Then, when he’s babbling and you’re getting tired, go for the groceries,” Erica said, and she started to pound her fist on his lap while bobbing her head madly over it. Her hair tossed wildly over her shoulders. Larry cried out again and clutched the couch cushion with bone-white fists. Janie smiled nervously, waiting for Erica to stop and go “Ta da!” or something, but instead she kept going.

Larry came.

Bucking and groaning, he pumped his hips up and down towards Erica’s bouncing head while she laughed delightedly and while Janie pretended she wasn’t a few strokes away from coming herself. Once his jerks finally stopped Erica laid her head against his jeans and rubbed back and forth across the growing wet spot, causing him to sigh deeply. “Never stop just because he did,” she said, with more than a trace of smugness in her voice. “The best part is when he’s super-sensitive and finally has to push you away.”

She rose her head up and looked at Janie. “Ta da!” Both girls giggled madly. And then the door opened.

Andrew stood in the doorway, displaying a puzzled smile. He took in the scene: familiar-looking porn on the TV, both girls kneeling by an exhausted but fully clothed Larry, a strong scent of musk and chlorine in the air. “Did I miss something?”

Janie stood, slowly and provocatively, and started to come around the couch towards him. “You’re just in time,” she said in a low voice. “The guys were just leaving.”

Her friends shot to their feet, a little unsteadily in Larry’s case. “Yup,” Erica said brightly. “We’ve got places to go, things to do!”

“Showers to take,” Larry murmured.

They rushed around the couch and left quickly. Janie never took her eyes off her boyfriend.

Andrew looked at her. “Honey, what’s…”

She moved closer to him, smiling like a feral cat. There was a hunger in her gaze, a burning need, and a demand. Almost against his will, Andrew began to harden. She reached a slender hand towards the growing weight in his pants. Her tongue darted over her lips.

“I think I’d like to take you out, for dinner,” she purred.