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“No, and I’m getting desperate.”

“And you’ve come to me!” said Valerie, laughing. “I knew you’d come to your senses. How about a Fetish Delight?”

Eric always felt vaguely naughty just standing in Valerie’s Temptations. Somewhere deep inside he knew that bakeries were supposed to be wholesome places, run by fat and floury women or big hefty guys with those puffy white hats. Instead Valerie looked like a beer commercial girl surrounded by giant iced breasts, fully erect éclairs, and low-fat vulvas baked fresh every morning.

She did great business, though, as much as his used bookstore did across the street. Sometimes, when things were slow, he’d come over just to watch the parade of people grab their plainly-wrapped desserts and hightail out for a bachelor’s party, bridal shower, or office birthday party.

“No!” he said, trying not to look at the violent-looking confection. “I mean, she’s not into baked goods. She likes chocolate.”

“Of course she does,” Valerie said. “It’s a DNA thing, it’s what keeps us from slaughtering all the men in the world. What kind does she like the most?”

“The most? Easter bunnies, of all things. Bites the heads right off ‘em.” His eyes lit up at the memory. “She’ll stick one in the ‘fridge to nibble on for a week, and the others we…” He trailed off, flustered.

“Use?” Valerie suggested evilly.

Eric felt the heat rising from his face. “Um, yeah. They melt real quick, you know, and then you have to, uh, lick–”

“Oh, I know, honey. So, she likes chocolate for food *and* fun?” Eric nodded. “I’ve got just the thing,” she said. She disappeared into the back room and came back with a long narrow box. “Check this out.”

It was surprisingly heavy. Eric opened it to see a penis to be proud of, complete with flared head and the suggestion of veins, all sculpted in rich milk chocolate. “You’re making chocolate dicks?”

“If God was female, She’d have done it first. I just bought the mold kits yesterday. Think Maddy’d like one?”

“It beats the bunnies all to hell. Kinda impersonal for an anniversary present, though.” Eric handed the box back. “I’d need one that looked like, you know, me.”

Valerie stared at him for a long moment. “We could make one.”

Hours later Eric found himself trying to get a hard-on in the back room of the bakery while Valerie stood in front of him, waiting patiently and holding a long tube full of goop.

“That stuff turns me on much less than you’d expect,” he gasped.

“Hey, I warmed it up first.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Eric grunted, desperately trying to rub his floppy cock into some semblance of stiffness.

“Hell, yeah,” she said, laughing. “Now c’mon. You got potential, but so far you ain’t gonna use up much chocolate.” Her expression softened when she saw his frustration. “Look, you’re trying too hard, babe. Just relax. Close your eyes, let it happen. We got all night.”

Eric closed his eyes and tried to think horny thoughts, but now all he could think of was how stupid he must look with his pants around his ankles. He jumped when he heard Valerie’s voice, right next to his ear.

“Just keep your eyes closed, and think about your lady,” she said, low and sensual, right into his ear. The sensation was a red hot surge to his groin. “Think about chocolate dripping over her nipples,” she breathed, “oozing down into her pussy, and think about licking it up, thick and sweet and tasting like her…”

Eric moaned, deep in his throat. “Ooh, that’s it,” Valerie whispered. Every word sent another pulse through his body. “Yeah, come to mama, big boy.” Suddenly something warm and wet engulfed his cock all the way to his stomach. He cried out in joy and shock and looked down to see Valerie holding the tube tight against his body. “Gotcha,” she said happily.

The goop swirled around him, yielding and slippery, like he was fucking a meringue. It’s for Maddy, he thought frantically, and as the goop slowly hardened Eric concentrated as hard as he could on what she’d do with her present…

Two days later Eric stumbled into the shop. “Hey!” Valerie called. “How’d it go?”

“Just great,” he mumbled.

“I guess so! You been fucking all this time? You look like she rode you through three counties, boy.”

He shook his head loosely. “No, we didn’t have sex at all. I gave it to her and left.”

Valerie slammed the register shut and hurried over. “What? She didn’t like it?”

“Oh, she loved it, said it looked just like me. She started licking it all over, rubbing it over her face, squeezing it between her breasts, she was really getting off on it. So was I, I was so hard I was ready to jump her right there.” Eric rubbed his hands over his face.

“Whoo!” said Valerie, fanning herself.  “There’s a woman who loves her sweets! Then what?”

“Then she bit the head off.”

Valerie stopped fanning. There was a long moment of silence. “Oh.”

“Old habits die hard, I guess, but I had to leave. The mental image–” He shook his head, shuddering, and looked up with haunted eyes.

“Next time,” he said, “I’ll stick with jewelry.”