Help! I’m turning into an anti-porn activist

Movie porn, anyway. Is there any playful sex out there anymore?

I used to think most porn was worthless just because it was boring or uninspired, like most of every other media, but there was always some good stuff buried under the crap. Now that the hottest-selling adult material seems to relish in being degrading and misogynist I find myself more anti-porn than not, and that’s depressing.

Recently I went hunting for an adult DVD for us to share, for the first time in awhile. We cuddled up, enjoyed our cake — if I woke my wife up in the middle of the night for just sex, she’d hit me; I bring chocolate cake — and settled in for some hot and heavy action.

And spent the next 20 minutes alternately laughing, fast-forwarding, or just goggling at it. Arousal was not an option.

When did porn become what anti-porn activists always said it was? I had to search high and low to find anything we might watch and the one I got (“Robinson Crusoe on Sin Island,” or something like that) had put some serious effort and money into sets, costuming, and cinematography that looked like a PBS mini-series. But when it got to the sex scenes they were just as insipid and insulting as any other movie.

My wife pointed out the underlying problem: the scenes are so obviously for the benefit of the viewer, and a pathetic viewer at that. Positions that allow extreme closeups, guys never ejaculating where you can’t see, guys always cool and in control while gals are unstoppably sex-starved, and so very few of the performers look as if they a) want to be there or b) want to be there with that particular partner.

Well, this viewer ain’t interested. I’d like to see scenes where the focus is how much fun the people involved are having.

I may be the wrong audience for porn, at least this century. More and more I find myself hovering around the “classics” section, afraid to venture out where “Butt-Pirates of the Carribean” awaits. But I’d be forever grateful if anyone out there can tell me which titles I should be looking for. I don’t even need a whole movie, gimme just a good scene and I’ll buy the thing.

Our needs are simple, I think.

– Normal looking people who at least look like they’re having fun.
– No one looking at the camera.
– No movies that describe the women as sluts, whores, or bitches, or use the words “molest,” “hole,” or “gang” on the cover.
– No anal, please. Nothing against the act itself, but it’s not aesthetically pleasing for either of us to watch. Not a big fan of the camera-between-the-legs shots anyway, or the closeups on lips and genitalia. I’d rather see the whole body and the lovers’ growing arousal.
– Woman-woman scenes that looks like the women involved might be enjoying it. You know, with kissing and maybe even some loving foreplay before they whip out the 20-inch double-headed dildo or try to go up to their elbows.
– Women who don’t feel obligated to stick their entire tongue out of their heads whenever they kiss or lick anything.
– If there must be anal, be discrete with it. And definitely do not go from anal to a facial or blowjob, which seems to be the new trend. Forget it, I’ll turn the thing off and go watch cartoons. I mean, eww.
– Women that aren’t shaved and made up to look underage.

– Guys that look like someone you might not run away from on a dark night. Or a sunny afternoon.
– Facials? Really? It’s not enough she’s willing to suck on you, you’ve got to add a bit of humiliation? I’ll accept a facial only if the guy kisses her right after. I think that’s fair.
– Sounds that weren’t dubbed or forced. Just record what gets said, or moaned. Don’t embellish, especially with cheesy dialogue.
– People grateful to get oral sex instead of standing there looking haughty and all conquerery. Maybe a guy who makes more of a noise than a reluctant “ung” would be good, too.
– Movies that don’t have the same sex acts, in the same order, in every single scene.
– And, hardest to find of all… playfulness! I have absolutely no interest in watching people fuck when I’m pretty sure I’d never want to hang around with any of them because they’re too fake, too insensitive, too shallow, or too scary.

Don’t fun people fuck? In front of a camera, I mean?

6 Responses to “Help! I’m turning into an anti-porn activist”

  • Ash Freeman says:

    Just thought I’d say “To Hell with it!” and post a comment on here even though it’s been about three years apparently. By the way, you’ve been StumbledUpon, congratulations, expect more hits in the near future.

    I have to say here that you are exactly correct in this, and have about 90% of my agreement. I’ll be honest, there is a part of me that every once in a while on a day home alone will go looking for “Anal Slurping Skanks No 482″ but most of the time I feel awkward and dirty watching most porn. Not because I feel anything is wrong with watching or making porn, just wrong with the way they’re choosing to do it.

    Really, our problems come from three directions.

    1: The Internet. It’s connected us with Germany and Japan(Homelands of really scary porn), and let all the really, really, really sexually bizarre fetishists meet one another and decide their particular flavor isn’t really all that bad, and when there’s enough of them, they become a new market. Which is why there are now pornos entirely of naked women playing with and popping balloons. Not to mention the commonality of anal gangbangs and tentacle rape.

    2: The Industry. Porn has become less and less taboo. It’s become easier and easier to get ahold of (See source 1), and thus it’s not hard at all now for people who are just really starting to explore their sexuality to get access to literally hundreds of thousands of pictures and video. To those who try to watch all of them, this can lead to a “gateway porn” effect, where they go looking for harder, and harder, and harder stuff. Thus they become the market for “Sluts Who Like Donkeydick Up Their Urethra! no 87″

    3: The Media. I won’t go into a long rant here, but Barbie is still alive and well and sex still sells, so that influences how lots of young women grow up and what they become. There’s still a strong market for dumb 90 lb DD-cup blondes who will lay back and let you do whatever you want to them, rather than for intelligent, real women who want to do stuff right back to you. Once one of these blondes achieves a certain point where she’s let enough guys do enough weird stuff to her, doing porn becomes the obvious choice so she can make money at what she’s best at. And keeping it real in egalitarian honesty, the male physique is now supposed to be lithely muscled with a six pack and a few tattoos, and the Alpha Male still reigns supreme. Men are not “normal” sexually if they are not constantly seeking to have sex with every attractive female who crosses their path at every opportunity.

    Oh, on an aside, the reason why they have to dub over the sounds and why there are those odd little jump cuts? It’s because neither one of these people, as you’ve noticed, is actually really enjoying themselves, so there’s a director standing there how to have sex, and constant fluff breaks.

    That, my friend, is why I watch almost exclusively amateur porn (when I’m not in one of those moods I talked about earlier). It can be a little difficult finding quality, but not nearly so difficult as finding quality in the professional stuff, but it’s got pretty much everything you complained about not being able to find. You just need to watch it on a computer instead of a DVD player, unfortunately. Unless you’ve rigged the two together, like my fiancee and I have. ;)

    Peace and Freedom

  • Annie says:

    I love this post (with I’d found it sooner). I laughed out loud because what you said makes porn crap is so true! And I enjoyed/agree with the comment after the post.

  • Alex H says:

    Thanks for this. Its really nice to find an article by a complete stranger that sums up my own views so well.

    Now if only you mentioned a place to find good porn… Oh wait.

  • tedwyn says:

    Nice to see you back online Wyyrd. I decided too look up Hootisland for old times sake and see what was still around, It was a very pleasant surprise to hear from you again.

    What you said is very true, good porn is hard to find, I have found very little of it in resent years. You would think that a fetish as kinky as ours (people smiling, laughing and having fun during sex) would find a niche somewhere out there…

  • Jeanmacgreen says:

    Everyone here is right on point! Seems since the ‘Golden Age’ of porn where folks with skill both in front of and behind the cameras were making *films* not just grinding out a half dozen or more each month. The producers spend more on the box covers than they do on trying to find anyone like a John Leslie or Jessie St. James, people who could really act and be incredibly hot at the same time. Georgina Spelvin, Eric Edwards, Richard Pacheco, Harry Reems, Classy Kay Parker, Serena, Desriee Cousteau, Vanessa Del Rio, Samantha Fox.
    Of course there is the one and only Seka who could make the polar ice cap melt with wiggle and a smile. Also, Juliet ‘Aunt Peg’ Anderson and Veronica Hart. Nina Hartley is still as beautiful as ever and seems to enjoy her work. Despite whatever was said about his many personal problems, I enjoyed watching John Holmes because at the beginning, he knew how to make love rather than just ‘fuck’. He took his time because he was aware that if he rushed the young lady, she could likely be visiting her OB/GYN the next day.
    The Chinese starlet Mai Lin mentioned in an interview that although when she worked with Holmes he did take his time and they did use a fair amount of KY, she still was very sore the next day and actually started to bleed somewhat. She was fine but her internal muscles were just overworked and she started to ‘spot’ a little like when a women’s cycle is about to begin, this was not the case with Ms. Lin.
    For me, the lack of people and stories to care about is where these direct-to-videos fail miserably, it’s more a matter of keeping the shelves stocked, even if it’ with an inferior product.


  • DR says:

    I like Sophie Moone, who frequently smiles, posts silly bits to her diary (pics of her dog, herself opening up presents, her vacay trips), and likes being with women. But you hafta sift through some “serious” porn to find her lighter-hearted stuff.

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