“You promised,” she said, smiling underneath the blindfold, “to tell me a dirty story about your buddy Mitch. Tell me how he’s been dying to fuck me silly.” She arched her back. “Tell me about Mitch licking me for hours, and not letting me finish until I beg for it.” She reached and found hard flesh, grinned at capturing me. “Tell me!”

Her blindfold slipped and she blinked in surprise at seeing, and holding, a very happy Mitch.

“I’m sorry, babe,” I said, sitting across the room. “I’m afraid I just don’t have a very good imagination.”

Jim looked over to see a pretty blonde sitting with a dark-haired man, laughing together. Something about them–

“We masturbated to them!”

“What?”

“Remember? Last week, the amateur tape? Oh my God…”

Jim remembered and was instantly aroused. It had been incredible, and seeing them clothed and casual was weird and exciting.

Eve smirked. “Waitress?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“I’d like to pay for that couple’s breakfast, anonymously.”

“Ma’am?”

“Please. And tell them…” Eve and Jim smiled at each other. “Tell them we admire their work.”

“A pony?”

“Nope.” My legs goosepimpled in the cool Christmas morning air when she pulled off the blanket.

“A plastic rocket?”

“Last chance,” she murmured. I heard her sip something.

“Warmth?”

Without warning she took me deep into her wet and unreasonably hot mouth. I opened my eyes to see her bent over my waist with a cup of tea in one hand and me in the other.

“Just what I wanted!” I exclaimed happily. She smiled around me and began a slow, insistent motion. “Tea!”

And that’s where this scar came from.

“I’m finally going to find out, boy or girl!“
 
”Oh, wonderful! Don’t want to be surprised?”

“I will be! My darling Chris and I wanted to save it for the wedding night.”

“What? Finding out the sex of your baby?”

“Finding out the sex of my lover! Chris has been hiding it, the tease.”

“You mean you don’t know? And you’re marrying him? Her?”

“Of course!” I said happily. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“Whoa…” “Damn, girl…” “Holy…”

I stepped in front of her and glared at my leering friends. “Hey, self-control, be polite, OK?” They filed out, muttering about my masculinity.

After she left I ran to my bedroom, aflame with my glimpse of round, creamy flesh and a delicious-looking chocolate nipple. My aching cock leaped into my hand—

–just as Billie walked back in, smiling. “The important thing about self-control,” she said, untying on purpose this time, “is knowing when it’s polite to lose it.”

Another came instantly, filling my mind and body, taking over and leaving me again a willing passenger. This one was female, I could tell. My hands lifted and passed over my breasts as if they were rare and new.

We explored my body, coaxing it to stretch and open. When we came I felt her unutterable gratitude, and after she left I smiled as I gulped some wine and waited for the next one.

Ouija boards are for amateurs.

“Mrs. Carlson in 4B asked if I was dating again. Old man Witherspoon tried to fix me up with his grandson. There was a singles magazine in my mailbox this morning!”

“Oh. Well, you broke up with Rick.”

“So?”

“We all miss him.”

“What?”

“See, you’re kinda loud.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, like that. And the walls here are really thin, we can hear everything. It’s better than pay-per-view. You’re amazing.”

“I don’t believe this…”

“You know, my brother’s not seeing anybody, maybe you two could…?”

“What kind of pathetic people buy these things? Can’t get a real one, so buy an appliance? God, these things are so tacky! How could you buy one of these without dying of embarrassment?”

That night her eyes, dark with need, begged me for the blessed release my oil-slippery hands were promising. She reached for me, spreading her legs wide with a ragged moan. Instead I reached under the pillow for my secret purchase.

Looking at the plastic penis in her bed, Marie was more than enthusiastic.

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“Are you a dom?”

“I’m thinking about hitting you right now, but I don’t think it’s sexual.”

<!–more–>“Dammit. We’ve tried everything! Are you sure this isn’t doing anything for you?”

“Ow! I’m telling you I don’t have a fetish! Knock it off!”

“You have to! You don’t like girls, you don’t like guys-

“I like girls! You know I like girls. Is this because I never asked you out?”

“You never date anybody, you just hang around with them. You don’t like guys, you don’t like sheep … You don’t like sheep, do you?”

“No!”

“Then it’s gotta be a fetish.”

“Why is this important to you?”

“It’s fun. Now, we’ve tried leather, Saran Wrap, rubber, chocolate pudding, role-playing, panties, shoes, porn, diapers, and discipline. What’s left? Ooh, water sports!”

“Why couldn’t I just have a low sex drive?”

She crouched over my face to pee on me. “Because it’s not natural,” she said.